It Still Counts

TW: Emetophobia, Anxiety, public panic attacks

A blog post about why there’s not a blog post today definitely still counts as part of my daily blogging challenge in May.

Things have certainly been difficult since I wrote my last post. I’ve had three what I can only describe as panic crying fits, one very publicly at the gym. I got up and we tried to finish the workout but my heart just wasn’t in it. Today has been a write off although all was not lost as I got coleslaw and a reduced papaya to cheer me up.

All this was triggered by a rash decision that in order to get better from all my other mental health issues I have to get over my phobia so I can consent to a medical approach (SSRI medication). Unfortunately I hadn’t taken the time to consider in it’s entirety what that would involve and as that realisation sunk in I was a mess. Like a lot of people with a phobia or anxiety I hold on to the misguided belief that my phobia keeps me safe but to a certain degree it does. I live my life in such a way that at every possibly opportunity I minimise my risk of vomiting. To have that and the so-called control my phobia gives me away taken away is too much for me to deal with at the moment.

Needless to say following all that anxiety plus the fact I’m already suffering from stress I’m not up for writing a great deal so I gave you a little confessional instead.

Roll on the weekend!

V ❤

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6 thoughts on “It Still Counts

  1. Hannah says:

    This is so raw and real – I loved it. It absolutely still counts – you wrote it and you posted it, and that rawness is so brave (sorry if you hate that as much as I do, my brains gone into vocab hibernation).

    I’m going to be gutted when May’s up and you’re not posting daily! Every post is of such a high quality, despite your daily quota. As you know, I’m really really really really impressed by every single one.

    H xx

    Like

  2. Charlotte says:

    You know though by admitting these things, either publically or to yourself, you are dealing with it. I think one of my favourite things I’ve read on Instagram is “this too shall pass. Maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass” I agree with you though we rely on our phobias to keep us safe. I convinced myself that by avoiding things I was being safe but anxiety is a bitch. Don’t listen to it, it has never get your back!

    Like

  3. Sarah Athow-Frost says:

    I’m really sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time at the moment. It really can’t be easy, but often after a low point you’ll have a moment of clarity and peace. I hope this comes to you soon x

    Like

  4. Rebecca Claire says:

    It sucks that you’re having such a tough time but you’re also handling everything very well. This post is so honest and commendable! The fact that you’re not letting all these things you can’t control take over is something to be proud of, I couldn’t do a post every single day and the fact you’ve smashed out a kick ass post daily despite all odds is something that deserves celebrating.
    Keep slaying!

    Rebecca, libfemblog.com xo

    Like

    • sirvikalot says:

      Thank you so much! Your support has been invaluable to me. In all honesty, the fact that my world seems to be crumbling around me at times has actually helped me smash out these posts. I’ve been scheduling tweets today and realising that about 80% of my content this month has been mental health!
      V ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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