TW: Emetophobia, Anxiety, public panic attacks
A blog post about why there’s not a blog post today definitely still counts as part of my daily blogging challenge in May.
Things have certainly been difficult since I wrote my last post. I’ve had three what I can only describe as panic crying fits, one very publicly at the gym. I got up and we tried to finish the workout but my heart just wasn’t in it. Today has been a write off although all was not lost as I got coleslaw and a reduced papaya to cheer me up.
All this was triggered by a rash decision that in order to get better from all my other mental health issues I have to get over my phobia so I can consent to a medical approach (SSRI medication). Unfortunately I hadn’t taken the time to consider in it’s entirety what that would involve and as that realisation sunk in I was a mess. Like a lot of people with a phobia or anxiety I hold on to the misguided belief that my phobia keeps me safe but to a certain degree it does. I live my life in such a way that at every possibly opportunity I minimise my risk of vomiting. To have that and the so-called control my phobia gives me away taken away is too much for me to deal with at the moment.
Needless to say following all that anxiety plus the fact I’m already suffering from stress I’m not up for writing a great deal so I gave you a little confessional instead.
Roll on the weekend!