I Feel Like A Fraud

Lately things have been tough. As part of Mental Health Awareness Month I’ve made it a priority to be even more vocal about it however one area I’ve been silent on is poor body image and low self esteem..

There have been a few reasons for that, it’s still hard for me to talk about, the comments you tend to receive when you talk about these kind of issues border on unhelpful to triggering but the main one is, being so aggressively body positive, whenever I feel less than 100% on that front I feel like a fraud.

At the start of my last descent into disordered eating, I turned my back on the movement and bought into diet culture as the answer to my problems. I have learned from that now – no matter how I feel about my body during these low/anxious/stressed times taking action to fix my perceived flaws on my body won’t solve the problems and it won’t even change how I feel in my skin. All of those changes come from within.

So here is the reality of where I’m at right now. My mental health has affected my eating habits and I haven’t had as much energy to be physically active. As a result my body has changed, or my perception of it has changed. Bodies change, grow and develop every day of our lives and change is not a negative thing. Living in the world that we do, we are taught that certain changes should be celebrated and others shamed or rectified as quickly as possible. When I’m already feeling anxious or low it’s harder to silence the thoughts, apparently I still haven’t unlearned those norms, and over the past few days I’ve really struggled.

REALLY STRUGGLED! To the point that I’ve had ALL of the intrusive thoughts. Thoughts that I need to change how I live my life, go backwards on my recovery and restrict myself and my life experiences, all on the off chance that it may result in me existing in a smaller body. How messed up is that?!

I know that a lot of you lovely body positive activists will read this and understand where I’m coming from and I know in reality that none of this makes me a fraud. I still believe so strongly in body positivity and the benefits of embracing it over diet culture but anxiety and low self esteem plants these seeds of doubt in my brain.

I am redeeming myself by making a body positive action plan rather than a diet/workout plan. This way I feel like I’m being pro-active and working on myself which will hopefully quell the anxiety and make positive progress on building up my body image again.

How do you cope with self doubt or bad body image? Let me know in the comments.

V ❤

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6 thoughts on “I Feel Like A Fraud

  1. Rebecca Claire says:

    You’re certainly not a fraud just because your mind/anxiety tells you things that aren’t true. I feel like you are so in touch with the movement and despite bad days you are very strong and brave and beautiful. Again, this post makes me feel less alone as I also have days where I feel awful in my skin but others where I truly love myself and feel positive.

    Rebecca, libfemblog.com xo

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  2. Charlotte says:

    You at not a frAud!

    One of the problems I have found with the blogging industry is that once you claim I AM BLDY POSITIVE there seems to be this unhealthy attitude that you have to then love your body 100% all the time! Something I really loved was one of the girls I follow on YouTube (I’ll try and find you the link) posted a video called I’m body positive but and it showed that everyone has these insecurities. For example. I am body positive but I delete photos that show a double chin. I don’t know why but it’s the one bit of my body I just can’t get on board with

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  3. hannahinternational says:

    We all have good days and bad days. I’ve heard people say that recovery is not linear, and that is totally true and applicable to your self-esteem/body image. Just because you’ve not been feeling 100% recently doesn’t mean you’ve gone backwards, nor does it make you a fraud! I’m exactly the same in that I believe in body positivity for all shapes and sizes, but I currently dislike the body I’m in. It’s hard when you’re attacked by the media from all sides, especially at this time of year with all the ‘getting ready for summer’ bullshit. Glad to hear you’re creating a plan for yourself! I always find that a list or plan to focus on helps me to get on track and block out ‘noise’.

    Hannah
    hannahinternational.co.uk

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  4. Sarah Athow-Frost says:

    Oh my goodness, this made me feel so sad. Such a beautiful and honest post. As others have said, it doesn’t make you a fraud at all- in fact it makes you more authentic! I believe every single person struggles with these things from time to time. Personally, I’ve really struggled with my appearance since having my son a year ago. Sometimes I don’t feel like myself anymore. But at the same time I try to focus on the fact that I gave someone life and that the power of my body is awesome and needs to be respected and not just valued on what it looks like. It is a constant thing though, with good days and bad. Like you say, things change and we need to learn to embrace that. Wise words and I love them.

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  5. Hannah says:

    You most certainly are not a fraud – you’re an authentic, brilliant and inspiring you. Also, you’ve helped me so much in just a few blog posts that I know you can help yourself – and clearly that’s exactly what you’re doing.

    Falling back into disordered eating has always been a safety net for me, it’s easy to do and it’s familiar – but nothing worth doing ever came easy. Well done for facing your intrusive thoughts and moving past them.

    I think you’re amazing xx

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  6. Emma Blogger (A Booking Good Read) says:

    This is such an honest post, I tend to change how I feel about my body, as a ‘bigger’ girl sometimes I feel so bad about it and what other people think of me and then other times I think I’ve got 2 great kids and a great partner and I’m happy so I shouldn’t care what others think of me. I think people tend to change how they view themselves depending on their frame of mind. I like the sound of the body positive action plan instead of a diet plan 💕💕

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