This post follows the thread of a few of my recent ones. It’s not filled with rainbows, sunshine and smiles so sorry if that’s what you’re looking for today. In all honesty I’m feeling a little bit crap.
You will all have gathered that recently I was ill, plus I had a bad fall a few weeks ago as a result of my hypermobility and I really hurt myself. Having pretty much recovered (or so I thought) I did my first gym session in a while on Saturday morning (a week ago at time of this post going up) and it’s really upset my joints. I rowed 5000m for the first time in a long time, if ever, thinking it would be fine because it’s low impact. Unfortunately I was wrong. The full range of motion really hurt my already injured right knee and the repetitive motion aggravated my left shoulder (which constantly subluxes). As I write this my shoulder and arm are aching while simultaneously feeling numb. My prescribed physio exercises are making my shoulder feel worse so needless to say I’m getting pretty down about the whole thing.
I honestly believe that had I been doing this rowing before I started at physio, my shoulder wouldn’t have been this painful. One of the goals of my physio (decided on by the therapist) is for me to become more aware of how certain parts of my body work, namely little muscles that control joints and bigger muscles. I feel that my lack of awareness of these parts has almost been a coping mechanism for me and now that I pay more attention to what my joints are doing it’s hard to switch off from little niggles that then become bigger niggles. Fingers crossed it’s a getting worse before it gets better scenario.
Meanwhile I’ve been trying to slowly build up my walking again. After my fall I was trying to rest as possible but I’m slowly getting back to using my fitbit and aiming for an easier 10k step goal as opposed to my usual 15k where I’d always really be aiming to get to the high teens or low twenties. After walking I’m still getting a fair bit of pain in my right knee especially when it’s bent in a sitting position or at night in bed so I’m trying not to do too much no matter that it’s tempting when I’m moving around pain free. Deep down I know the fact that I’m taking things really slow and not pushing myself is such a positive thing. It shows how far I’ve come that I’m accepting my body’s limitations and not pushing it to do more than it can do in order to look a certain way or to present a particular lifestyle to the world. However that doesn’t stop me feeling like a blob.
- I know there is nothing wrong with my body and whether or not I’ve put on weight while I’ve been injured is not an issue. Unfortunately at the moment my brain seems to hear less of the rational thoughts and more of the “blob” thoughts. The good news, however, is that as I’m writing I’m munching on some of childhood favourite sweets, strawberry vampire fangs” and wearing one of my favourite crop tops that I wore outside today!! I’m definitely not letting the negative body image thoughts take over.